Men get to feel hornier because they’re socially supported in this. The whole of society is geared toward titillating men and discouraging female sexual desire. It’s inherent to the Nice Guy® complaint, where men are entitled to feel physical attraction, but a woman who wants more than “nice” is shallow. It’s evident in the way men and women dress, with women always mindful to wear stuff that makes them sexually attractive, whereas men have the opposite problem, and have to avoid being too sexualized lest they seem feminine. Naked women are draped over every inch of public space, and the internet is full of visually interesting porn for men, but our society barely can imagine what it would be like to try to attract a female eye. Men seem hornier in no small part because their sexuality is celebrated and codified. It’s easy for men to know right away how to be sexual, whereas women are still largely expected to figure it out for themselves—-and even that’s a recent invention, because pre-feminism, women were mostly just expected to do what men wanted.
But even with the small amount of freedom we have, it’s worth noting that a 30-year-old woman who admitted obliquely to having had non-procreative sex in Congress created a month long, nationwide scandal. Until that kind of pressure disappears completely, we can’t even begin to measure what the “natural”, unadulterated female sexuality would look like, and how it would compare to the celebrated and constantly titillated male sexuality.
Either way, stop blaming sex for misogyny. If all men wanted was women to fuck them more, the English language wouldn’t even have the word “slut” in it.
More and more frequently the edges
of me dissolve and I become
a wish to assimilate the world, including
you, if possible through the skin
like a cool plant’s tricks with oxygen
and live by a harmless green burning.
I would not consume
you or ever
finish, you would still be there
surrounding me, complete
as the air.
Unfortunately I don’t have leaves.
Instead I have eyes
and teeth and other non-green
things which rule out osmosis.
So be careful, I mean it,
I give you fair warning:
This kind of hunger draws
everything into its own
space; nor can we
talk it all over, have a calm
There is no reason for this, only
a starved dog’s logic about bones.
(Posted by Ashley)
Ivan E. Coyote in his thank you letter to femmes, “Hats off to beautiful femmes”
For those moments, over and over again, of shock on peoples’ faces when I said I was queer, when they didn’t know what to say because they couldn’t imagine someone as “beautiful” as me would “waste it”, or for all the times people encouraged me to cut my hair so I would be more “visible”—I finally feel my existence, my experience being not only recognized but appreciated. I hope this message gets out to all the femmes out there that know the constant pressure of invisibility and incredibility because of their gender expression. ~Ashley